A two hour train ride and another twenty minutes by taxi and they were in the hills of Thacian City at his family home. He noticed as they moved through the house that she would look around, but offered no conversation. He was not surprised. She was Yamada, she had to have grown up in a house twice the size of his. Hiko told himself he should probably give her the tour, but instead he led her straight to his room. With the luggage placed in his closet he leaned against his desk and pulled her close. “I was thinking I could give you the tour later. My father will be home by then and he is probably better suited to answer any of your questions about the house or items in it. Seeing it is just the two of us until he finishes work, I thought….”
She interrupted him by placing her finger to her lips and tapping thoughtfully, “Does Hiko Kari want to have sex with me?”
The corners of his mouth twitched as a small smirk appeared, “Yes, but I was thinking maybe….” The expression upon her face was distracting.
“Would you like to rest and talk? I was thinking we should probably get to know each other a little…maybe.”
“You are staring at my mouth Hiko Kari.”
“Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking….”
She laughed softly, “Do I tempt you?”
“So, can I keep tempting you or will that distract you too much?” His mind was wandering to thoughts of them engaging in a sexual relationship. His heart was pounding so wildly that it sounded like a bass drum in his ears. He didn’t understand how she was capable of making him feel so intensely. Her words brought him back to the moment, “I hope I am always capable of making you feel like you are losing control.”
“Do you like having that kind of power over me?”
“Yeah. It makes me happy.”
As much as he wanted to ask her why, he told himself it was probably better if he did not know the answer to that question. Like she had told him previously about Abe, hearing the answer meant he could not pretend as though he did not hear it. Whatever it was he was certain would lead him down a path he could not return from and he was not yet ready to make such a dangerous journey. He took a moment to collect himself before speaking, “Would it be okay if we talk for a bit? Maybe ask each other questions or something to get a momentum going.”
A simple nod of her head and he led them to the sofa.
Hiko admittedly thought talking would be a lot easier than it was. As they sat silently on the sofa he became aware of just how fast they had moved. Dating or courting was a time to get to know that person and they skipped over it all to the point that he had brought her home after just a few days of knowing each other. “That is an interesting face,” She spoke.
“Sorry. I thought this might be easier, but I realized I do not even know where to begin or what to even ask.”
“Nothing comes to mind?”
He pouted as he sighed, “No.”
Hiko could feel her eyes on him and even though he told himself it was probably not the case it felt like they were burning holes through him. “How long have you been smoking?” She asked breaking up the silence.
“Since I was thirteen. Why does it bother you?”
“Not really. Though your mouth does taste ‘funny’ sometimes. How much do you smoke?”
Hiko choked, she was just about the most direct person he had ever met. Did his mouth really taste funny? What was it exactly she was tasting? Why would she even kiss him if she thought it tasted oddly? “A pack a day usually. Does it taste bad? I mean…when we kiss, my mouth.”
“Bad, no not really. It is like a combination of honey and smoke.”
“You would tell me if it bothered you, right?”
“Of course. What got you started smoking?”
“My dad smokes. Kuro’s two older brothers smoke. I was always just around it. Do you smoke?”
“No. What was your first impression of me?”
Hiko stared blankly. He knew this question was going to lead nowhere good, “I don’t want to answer that.”
“You will probably not like my answer.”
“So, you thought I was ugly. Just be honest.”
He quickly stood and moved away from her as he pondered how to get himself out of this. As he turned, he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “It is not that, you just don’t really jump out as beautiful with how you dress and your hair. Sadamitsu said that we had walked near each other a dozen times and I never noticed. I just don’t look at any girl and think ‘oh she is beautiful’ or ‘oh she is ugly’. So, the first time I noticed you was when you were with Abe and only because the two of you seemed so different. He thinks he is better and treats people like dirt. Uses people, especially girls and there you were walking with him. I thought he was going to do something. That maybe he was using you. You don’t look like Tsubaki and Eri and that is usually the type he hangs with.”
“So, you are saying your first impression of me was that I was some fragile plain girl that Abe was probably taking pity on to get what he wanted.” Hiko opened his mouth to respond, but no words came out. He thought for certain he had stuck his foot in it until he heard her soft laugh. “It is alright to be honest Hiko.”
“I don’t want you to get the wrong idea,” He finally managed to say. “I don’t want you to think that I am not attracted to you.”
“I know you are. One thing has nothing to do with the other. Attraction by definition means an action or power of evoking interest. It is not something that just happens, but something that must be made to happen. I am not your type. Perhaps you do not even have one. So, physically when you saw me the first time there was no ‘instant attraction’. Your interest was brought on by something else. It is normal.”
“Still, it makes me feel bad.” He glanced toward her and even though there was a heaviness lingering, perhaps more on his part, then hers he asked, “What was your first impression of me?”
The silence that followed was excruciating long.
He kept his eyes fixed right on her no matter how uncomfortable he was feeling. Eventually she adjusted her body and the combination of the tilt of her head and the way her lips curved slightly made him nervous. “I thought how pleasing your form was to look at even though it was obvious you had no confidence in your body. You have this presence about you. Something below the surface that is buried due to your low views of yourself. My first impression of you was that you have the potential for great things, but only if you can unburden yourself of the things that tie you down.”
Hiko quickly looked away from her. When she talked like that to him, it almost made him think that he was capable of greatness. He doubted people like his father would agree and as much as he wanted to thank her for saying something so amazing he did not have it in him. So, he quickly blurted the first question that came to mind, “Did you and Abe have sex?”
“I answered that already.”
He was interrupted, “I told you he only cared about getting himself off. That is what it meant. I did not think you wanted the details. He was never inside of me. The choking was how he got off.”
“I am sorry…”
“Hiko, you apologize too much. From now on only apologize when you hurt me.”
He opened his mouth to apologize. The way she tilted her head told him not to dare so he quickly shut his mouth and moved toward the sofa to sit with her again.
The moment he retook his seat she scooted closer to him and asked directly, “Do you masturbate?”
“I….” He stammered as he rubbed his neck.
She nudged him with her elbow, “Your tell is showing. Any time you get nervous you rub the back of your neck. You should try and break yourself of that habit. Being hard to read has its benefits. So, why don’t you tell me why you don’t masturbate.”
“You got that just because I rubbed my neck.”
“Your body language is very telling.”
Definition: Kazuma – The King of the Gods and creator of life within several Aslann religions, including the Kari religion of Osog.
“I just….” He groaned at the thought of having this conversation, “Kari are taught that it is a sin against our bodies. I cannot believe I am talking about this, but to spill the seed goes against the familial duties of Kari men to … you know. Kazuma designed our bodies to give life where there was none.”
“You do not seem like the religious type.”
“My family is. I’m not, but … can we change the topic?”
“If you want to.”
Hiko sat quietly staring at the television. He never in a million years thought he would ever have such an uncomfortable conversation. Tentatively he asked, “Do you?”
Without any hesitation she responded, “Yes.”
“Are you not ashamed?”
“No. Would you like to watch me sometime?”
Hiko locked his eyes on hers almost shocked that she would ask. His response was a barely audible, “Ahh.”
When her fingers touched his face his body relaxed. He had not realized just how nervous and uncomfortable he was by the conversation until she whispered, “Do I make you nervous Hiko Kari?”
“I just never met anyone like you before. You are so confident and direct. It…it is like you do not care what people think of you. How can you have such strength?”
“Is it strength or fear, I can never decide.”
“Fear of what?”
“Allowing someone to see me.”
“Tationy, please let me see all of you.”
“Are you asking me not to hold anything back from you, Hiko Kari?”
“Alright, but if you regret it later I am not apologizing.”
Hiko briefly smiled as he leaned in, “According to you I do enough of that for both of us. My father says it is my mother’s influence. Which is just his way of saying I got all of her weaknesses and none of her strengths.”
“Seems we both have delightful parents, maybe we should fix them up.”
Chuckling, “Maybe, but I think the only people we would be punishing doing that is us.”
“You are probably right.”
“Tationy, if you do not mind me asking. Why is it sometimes you say my full name instead of just calling me Hiko?”
“Well that is an easy question. Addressing someone by their first and last name makes them feel important and respected. When you check-in at a hotel they do not call you Hiko, they say….Mr. Kari your room is ready. When they announce you are the next speaker, they introduce you as Mr. Hiko Kari or Hiko Kari. Calling you Mr. Kari seems too formal. Calling you Hiko I can do as much as you would like, but someone like you deserves to feel important. Hiko Kari is a good name.”
The way she talked made him feel indescribable. No one had ever cared enough to think of him as important let alone show him any sort of respect. “Why is your last name Tylo and not Yamada?”
“Owning me was not something my mother wanted to do. She gave me life, but that did not mean she had to claim me as hers. She named me Tationy Tylo because it was easier to distance herself. Her mother forced her to have me, but she could not force her to love me. My mother does not have the luxury of pushing me aside completely as much as she would like too my grandmother saw to that.”
It made Hiko angry hearing Tationy speak about her mother, “My father wishes he distanced himself. I am the stain upon the Kari name. Why is it the one thing we have in common is the worst thing we both experienced in our lives?”
“Now Hiko Kari you are assuming we have nothing in common.”
His mouth opened in preparation to respond, only for her to close the distance rather quickly and lay a light kiss upon his lips. It took Hiko a moment to relax his body and he was not quite ready to embrace her so even though he had positioned his hands to pull her close he did his best to show restraint, forcing himself to break the kiss.
“Hiko?” That voice again.
His reaction disappointed her, he was certain that was what he was hearing. He reached up to rub his neck and caught himself. She had been right, it was a tell and apparently one he did a lot. If he apologized to her she would get mad and he was not certain how to put into words why he broke the kiss. Hiko could feel her eyes upon him and that nervous anxiety rushed back, “I don’t want to lose control. I really want to have sex with you and I like how compatible we seem to be. Your body seems to like being touched by me and mine definitely likes being touched by you. I just, don’t know how to keep from losing control again. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“Stressing about it is not going to help. Psychological effects play a huge factor on our bodies performances in a variety of activities. You also never masturbated which means you do not know where your point of no return is. That was your first time feeling the sensation, so by the time you realized what was happening it was too late for you to stop it. It will get better from here on out because you have felt the buildup and release. We can always start and then if you need to stop, we can just stop and continue when you are ready again. Let your body get used to the arousal. I know you can do it.”
There it was again. That confidence of hers. How could she have more confidence in him then he did? He felt her move from the sofa and could hear her stretching and yawning. He was almost annoyed because it made him wonder if she thought so little of the conversation until he noticed she was moving toward the other part of his room. When he directed his attention on her completely he felt his heartbeat pick up.
Without her clothing on he could see every curve and trim line of her body. Her hips were wide, her breast full, and it was obvious that she took care of herself. Seeing her like this only made him want to have sex with her more and he practically tripped over himself just to get of out of his clothing.
When she giggled he gave chase catching her near his bed, “What is this Hiko Kari? Do you think I am going to let you do whatever you want to me?”
He backed her against the wall as he responded, “Ahh.” Even though he thought it was the worst possible idea for them to have sex he kissed her deeply. He nervously maneuvered them toward his bed, dropping them both down upon it with him landing on top of her. Kissing along her neck he stopped to look at her for a long time, almost disbelieving that he was with her. He took a deep breath as he slowly moved back in placing his lips upon hers. She accepted his kiss willingly, matching his soft touch with her own. That kiss lingered forever.
It was with trepidation that he allowed his hand to move from her shoulder down along the length of her body. “Your touch feels so good,” She encouraged with a soft whisper as their lips parted. He smiled, excited that she liked what he was doing. He wanted to remember that moment because it was the first time he had ever been told it. Hiko searched her eyes for the go ahead to continue and when he found it, he did not hesitate. He could tell she wanted him and he understood now all of those uncomfortable talks he had with his father about a Kari man’s responsibilities to the woman in his life.
Wildly he kissed her this time as his fingertips caressed her body and eventually even finding their way inside her panties. With his fingers rubbing her she bucked into his hand. At first he was not certain what had happened until he saw the lustful expression upon her face. She wanted more and she passionately kissed him so he understood how much. The Kari were taught to restrain themselves. Passion was replaced by pride. Tationy was a perfect fit for him. There was so much passion within her and he wanted to experience it all.
Another deep breath, he needed to slow things down that was what his body was telling him. His mind though just kept screaming that more was better and not to stop. Tugging on her panties he spoke, “Tationy, I am going to take these off you.” He kissed along her neckline as he traveled down her breast and belly until he arrived between her legs. He swallowed hard as he coaxed her underwear off her and stared. He was so hard and that little mound of hair and parted lips were enticing him to delve deeper into the sensations.
Sadamitsu had always talked about wanting to give a girl oral. Having a girl writhe beneath him and call out his name. Hiko never gave such a thing a second thought until that moment and without telling her what he was doing his mouth connected with her sex. She squealed excitedly and her legs parted further. That moan of hers sent goosebumps along his skin and he knew it was coming. He wanted to be in her, but he knew that he could not continue. His body was screaming at him, “Shit. I have to stop.” He pulled away suddenly sitting on the edge of the bed. He could not even look at her because he did not want to see that look of disappointment.
He could hear her moving around on the bed, it was obvious she was pulling her underwear back on. When her body stilled that silence became smothering so he reached out and grabbed her, “Please don’t be mad at me. I can’t. I want to, believe me I want to. Fucking dad pisses me off. A Kari man must know restraint. He told me it my whole life and now when I need it the most I …. you must be really disappointed in me.” He opened his eyes and realized she had her eyes closed. She wasn’t looking at him and it dawned on him that it was because he told her after the previous mishap not to look at him. “Please say something.”
“You are afraid,” She finally spoke. “I can feel it in your touch. You spent your entire life being a disappointment to everyone around you and now you have a chance at real fulfillment and happiness only to be burdened by the thought you are going to disappoint me. That fear is going to hold you back in everything that matters to you. I will tell you something you have probably never heard from your family. Sometimes, Hiko Kari you have to lose control to gain it. So with me, say and do whatever you want. Good or bad. No matter the outcome, the happiness or the pain, I will always be your strength.”
Hiko didn’t understand how she could be so strong. Her words lifted him and for a brief moment he felt so free of the burden of being Kari. She didn’t judge him. Didn’t get angry. Why wasn’t she disappointed? He wanted desperately to understand her and how she was feeling, but he doubted even if they spent a hundred years together that he would ever truly know those answers.
To Be Continued