Kuro and Taro
The night had been a long struggle for the two of them. It seemed as though Kuro and Tationy could not have a moment without there being heated words even though they tried desperately to stabilize the foundation of their relationship. Of course, they were only going on the third day of being reunited it was foolish to expect things to repair themselves overnight.
Still, when they returned they went to their separate corners once again. Kuro could not help thinking that perhaps it was a mistake for the two of them to unite under these circumstances and then live together. Maybe it was better if he left her in the care of Nao. Even though he had the thoughts, the stubborn part of him refused to let her go.
So, it was not very surprising that he chose to hide in his room rather than face her that morning. He dressed, paced his floor, turned on his computer, surfed the web for bad relationship advice, and then did the one thing he knew he probably should not do. Sought out the channel of his friend.
Taro was a great judge of character. Intelligent and passionate and probably as perceptive as Tationy. When they met there was a great deal of comfort brought to Kuro by the charismatic and friendly Anami. Tationy had not been wrong. Their relationship was no different from the one she had with Tadayoshi and Kuro was still holding on. Not for the reasons that people would think either.
After he died, there had been a hole left in the place that Taro had managed to fill. Kuro could not believe it. Did not want to believe that Taro would take his own life, despite his friends year’s of struggling with anxiety and depression. It left a void; one he tried to fill with answers. That was when he found it. It was about a week after Taro was buried and Kuro just wanted to hear a friendly voice. There it was; Taro’s final words to Kuro left for all the world to view on his You Tube channel.
He had watched many times since then and that morning was no different.
“Good morning, You Tubers. If you are viewing this it means I am dead and gone. I had been refreshing the publish date forever, but it seems that I am no longer around to do that. We will not dwell; it is neither negative nor positive. The dead feel nothing. It is the living that must continue on and find some sort of healing in a world of suffering. I know, dark ramblings so early in the morning. Grab your tissues because these are my final words.”
“Relationship complexities…I know you are probably wondering why I have chosen this topic to be my parting commentary. Well, I am sure you all remember that guy I talked about once upon a lifetime. The one I met that shined brightly like the moon; both darkness and light embodied in one dangerous individual. As you know, that didn’t work out, but I never said why. The truth is there was someone else. Now, don’t get all upset for me. It was a good thing. When he spoke of his passion his face brightened into the most expressive display of love I had ever seen. It broke my heart and gave me hope that things like true love existed.”
“Now if he heard me say that which I am sure he will at some point because he is not the type to let the dead rest he will most likely shake his head. Go on about how there is no such thing as true love. He is probably right. Guys as old as him have seen a thing or two. The rest of us are just babies trying to find our way in this great big ocean of pain and suffering.”
“Anyway, he is one of those guys that spends all his time in his head trying to make sense of the world. He can be stubborn to a fault and he has this flippant nature about him when he gets amused. Let me be frank; the guy is an asshole, but he is my friend and he is the most loyal and genuine person I have ever met. With that said he frustrates the fuck out of me because I cannot understand why someone as strong as he is can be so afraid. Let’s not pretend that he is just being difficult. It is fear; he thinks he is not worthy of that person’s love.”
“His love is someone special; not just special to him, but the entire nation. A persona as brightly shining as twinkling stars in the sky. So, it is only natural for him to fear he is not worthy. I can relate because I felt the same when I stood in his presence and very self-consciously asked him on a date. Even though there is fear in his heart, the two of them are the same. They are standing on the precipice of the great ancients, but they have nothing to fear. If only they could see that.”
“I tried to get him to go and stand before his great love. Perhaps I should have tried harder. Some of you are probably thinking that there is nothing I could have done. Only he can take that step forward into the unknown and combat that fear that is suffocating his soul. You are wrong. Even the bravest people in the world sometimes need to lean upon the shoulders of another. I think we see it as weakness to rely on strength that is not our own. We fear we will be seen and judged as pussies.”
“I hope he is truly hearing me because no one in this world steps forward without effecting those around them. Not a single person moves through the world without emitting a ripple in time. Your fear does not just strangle you, but everyone around you. Actions of hesitation bring danger and suffering; you are making your great love doubt you. Damaging the trust you built together and as that distance builds you try to rationalize and avoid. None of which makes things better.”
“Both of you are to blame; no party can take a hundred percent of the fault in relationships. They are far too complex for that. Accept the part you played in this division and move forward on the same path or let your love go. Holding on means the two of you never and I mean never ever live.”
“Don’t exist with regret. How many lifetimes must pass before you realize that you stopped living the moment you parted; no matter what you say. Anyway, you once told me that patience was something you had in great abundance. Truth be told I have rarely seen it because when it comes to your love you lose all sense. I don’t think it is because you have hearts in your eyes. No; time has simply passed and you are no longer that man that fell in love for the first time in your life.”
“So, what are you? An old spirit trying to find the other half of your soul or a young heart running reckless because its chains have been loosened; maybe you are both or simply foolish. Sometimes I am not sure and that might be because the only person I have ever loved, loved another. Regardless of the reasons, you can find a means to unite your hearts and start anew or leave her with your final and parting words; knowing that your heart may never know love again only acceptance to settle.”
“Ugly reality of the heart. You quoted someone once, ‘If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.’ I don’t agree. I never agreed. People hold on to love for all the wrong reasons; fear mostly of being alone or never finding someone better. Foolish hearts that think having someone is more important than respecting yourself. The other person should compliment you. Give you a sense of feeling complete and not just satisfy a need for company.”
“People will let another go simply because they do not live up to their expectations. Twenty years or more later they regret it because they never found anyone better. This is not love. It is regret and desperation. It stinks.”
“I loved you; with all of my heart. Maybe there was another who might satisfy the longing. Someone that I could have moved on and had been happy with. That is called settling. A simple means of fulfilling the emptiness of being alone. How desperate and selfish human beings are that they use love so callously in place of friendship.”
“It pisses me off. Love is painful. There is no easy path and yet people will take it anyway they can get it. Why? Because they are lazy. Fucking desperate and selfish creatures. My point; I did not let you go to see if you would return. Only a foolish person would sit idle and hope for the best. Truth is, I let you go because I knew that no matter what I did I would never be first in your heart. Even if I won and you were mine; you would simply be settling.”
“Normal humans do not have the luxury of living a million years. We cannot wait around for that one person that is ours because the truth is, they may not exist when we do, but you have that option. So, fight. Don’t settle. Don’t pretend that the two of you are the same people you were back then. Don’t expect it to be easy. Love is pain and hard work. It takes effort and time; sometimes a very very long time.”
“Look ‘K’, I know I have not always been easy to deal with. I had my highs and lows, but I have always been your biggest fan and no matter where I am heading. Know that I am cheering the two of you on. I meant what I said, never before had my eyes witnessed such an expression of love. You truly gave me hope that there is more to this frivolous notion than people abusing it for their own selfish needs. Fight hard no matter how many lifetimes it takes you.”
In the background he could hear a steady knock upon a heavy door. Kuro watched as Taro’s attention was pulled elsewhere before he glanced back toward his computer camera.
“I got to go. Don’t mourn for me. I know it is easy to say that, but just don’t. Remember me as your friend and know that I always have your back even if that means rising from the dead. That is it. Those are my final words.”