Muses – Taro’s Final Worlds

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Kuro and Taro

The night had been a long struggle for the two of them. It seemed as though Kuro and Tationy could not have a moment without there being heated words even though they tried desperately to stabilize the foundation of their relationship. Of course, they were only going on the third day of being reunited it was foolish to expect things to repair themselves overnight.

Still, when they returned they went to their separate corners once again. Kuro could not help thinking that perhaps it was a mistake for the two of them to unite under these circumstances and then live together. Maybe it was better if he left her in the care of Nao. Even though he had the thoughts, the stubborn part of him refused to let her go.

So, it was not very surprising that he chose to hide in his room rather than face her that morning. He dressed, paced his floor, turned on his computer, surfed the web for bad relationship advice, and then did the one thing he knew he probably should not do. Sought out the channel of his friend.

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Taro was a great judge of character. Intelligent and passionate and probably as perceptive as Tationy. When they met there was a great deal of comfort brought to Kuro by the charismatic and friendly Anami. Tationy had not been wrong. Their relationship was no different from the one she had with Tadayoshi and Kuro was still holding on. Not for the reasons that people would think either.

After he died, there had been a hole left in the place that Taro had managed to fill. Kuro could not believe it. Did not want to believe that Taro would take his own life, despite his friends year’s of struggling with anxiety and depression. It left a void; one he tried to fill with answers. That was when he found it. It was about a week after Taro was buried and Kuro just wanted to hear a friendly voice. There it was; Taro’s final words to Kuro left for all the world to view on his You Tube channel.

He had watched many times since then and that morning was no different.

fffff

“Good morning, You Tubers. If you are viewing this it means I am dead and gone. I had been refreshing the publish date forever, but it seems that I am no longer around to do that. We will not dwell; it is neither negative nor positive. The dead feel nothing. It is the living that must continue on and find some sort of healing in a world of suffering. I know, dark ramblings so early in the morning. Grab your tissues because these are my final words.”

“Relationship complexities…I know you are probably wondering why I have chosen this topic to be my parting commentary. Well, I am sure you all remember that guy I talked about once upon a lifetime. The one I met that shined brightly like the moon; both darkness and light embodied in one dangerous individual. As you know, that didn’t work out, but I never said why. The truth is there was someone else. Now, don’t get all upset for me. It was a good thing. When he spoke of his passion his face brightened into the most expressive display of love I had ever seen. It broke my heart and gave me hope that things like true love existed.”

“Now if he heard me say that which I am sure he will at some point because he is not the type to let the dead rest he will most likely shake his head. Go on about how there is no such thing as true love. He is probably right. Guys as old as him have seen a thing or two. The rest of us are just babies trying to find our way in this great big ocean of pain and suffering.”

“Anyway, he is one of those guys that spends all his time in his head trying to make sense of the world. He can be stubborn to a fault and he has this flippant nature about him when he gets amused. Let me be frank; the guy is an asshole, but he is my friend and he is the most loyal and genuine person I have ever met. With that said he frustrates the fuck out of me because I cannot understand why someone as strong as he is can be so afraid. Let’s not pretend that he is just being difficult. It is fear; he thinks he is not worthy of that person’s love.”

sdfs

“His love is someone special; not just special to him, but the entire nation. A persona as brightly shining as twinkling stars in the sky. So, it is only natural for him to fear he is not worthy. I can relate because I felt the same when I stood in his presence and very self-consciously asked him on a date. Even though there is fear in his heart, the two of them are the same. They are standing on the precipice of the great ancients, but they have nothing to fear. If only they could see that.”

“I tried to get him to go and stand before his great love. Perhaps I should have tried harder. Some of you are probably thinking that there is nothing I could have done. Only he can take that step forward into the unknown and combat that fear that is suffocating his soul. You are wrong. Even the bravest people in the world sometimes need to lean upon the shoulders of another. I think we see it as weakness to rely on strength that is not our own. We fear we will be seen and judged as pussies.”

“I hope he is truly hearing me because no one in this world steps forward without effecting those around them. Not a single person moves through the world without emitting a ripple in time. Your fear does not just strangle you, but everyone around you. Actions of hesitation bring danger and suffering; you are making your great love doubt you. Damaging the trust you built together and as that distance builds you try to rationalize and avoid. None of which makes things better.”

dsdsddd

“Both of you are to blame; no party can take a hundred percent of the fault in relationships. They are far too complex for that. Accept the part you played in this division and move forward on the same path or let your love go. Holding on means the two of you never and I mean never ever live.”

“Don’t exist with regret. How many lifetimes must pass before you realize that you stopped living the moment you parted; no matter what you say. Anyway, you once told me that patience was something you had in great abundance. Truth be told I have rarely seen it because when it comes to your love you lose all sense. I don’t think it is because you have hearts in your eyes. No; time has simply passed and you are no longer that man that fell in love for the first time in your life.”

“So, what are you? An old spirit trying to find the other half of your soul or a young heart running reckless because its chains have been loosened; maybe you are both or simply foolish. Sometimes I am not sure and that might be because the only person I have ever loved, loved another. Regardless of the reasons, you can find a means to unite your hearts and start anew or leave her with your final and parting words; knowing that your heart may never know love again only acceptance to settle.”

“Ugly reality of the heart. You quoted someone once, ‘If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.’ I don’t agree. I never agreed. People hold on to love for all the wrong reasons; fear mostly of being alone or never finding someone better. Foolish hearts that think having someone is more important than respecting yourself. The other person should compliment you. Give you a sense of feeling complete and not just satisfy a need for company.”

“People will let another go simply because they do not live up to their expectations. Twenty years or more later they regret it because they never found anyone better. This is not love. It is regret and desperation. It stinks.”

“I loved you; with all of my heart. Maybe there was another who might satisfy the longing. Someone that I could have moved on and had been happy with. That is called settling. A simple means of fulfilling the emptiness of being alone. How desperate and selfish human beings are that they use love so callously in place of friendship.”

“It pisses me off. Love is painful. There is no easy path and yet people will take it anyway they can get it. Why? Because they are lazy. Fucking desperate and selfish creatures. My point; I did not let you go to see if you would return. Only a foolish person would sit idle and hope for the best. Truth is, I let you go because I knew that no matter what I did I would never be first in your heart. Even if I won and you were mine; you would simply be settling.”

“Normal humans do not have the luxury of living a million years. We cannot wait around for that one person that is ours because the truth is, they may not exist when we do, but you have that option. So, fight. Don’t settle. Don’t pretend that the two of you are the same people you were back then. Don’t expect it to be easy. Love is pain and hard work. It takes effort and time; sometimes a very very long time.”

“Look ‘K’, I know I have not always been easy to deal with. I had my highs and lows, but I have always been your biggest fan and no matter where I am heading. Know that I am cheering the two of you on. I meant what I said, never before had my eyes witnessed such an expression of love. You truly gave me hope that there is more to this frivolous notion than people abusing it for their own selfish needs. Fight hard no matter how many lifetimes it takes you.”

In the background he could hear a steady knock upon a heavy door. Kuro watched as Taro’s attention was pulled elsewhere before he glanced back toward his computer camera.

“I got to go. Don’t mourn for me. I know it is easy to say that, but just don’t. Remember me as your friend and know that I always have your back even if that means rising from the dead. That is it. Those are my final words.”

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17 comments

  1. Taro completely nailed it on the head. Kuro needs to stop having second thoughts about being with Tationy, and decide whether he wants to fight for her or let her go. My hand itches to smack him on the head for contemplating whether he should be with her now. If not now, then when? There is never a “good time” to get into a relationship. Do it or don’t, Kuro, stop being wishy-washy.

    I’m still mad at you for killing Taro off, but I understand why it had to happen. This is a great reflection of Kuro’s struggles with his past life with Tationy versus the reality of where they are now. Hopefully, Kuro will take his friend’s words to heart, stop mourning his friend’s loss, and fight for his love. Of course, Tationy needs to do the same: maybe Imari will get through to her HAHA.

    By the way, the knock on the door . . . was that the person who killed Taro? I don’t believe he would have killed himself, either.

    • Taro has always been very good at seeing a situation for what it is and Kuro needed to hear the words. They have much more of an impact on him with Tationy actually there then they do with a physical distance between them.

      He is very hot and cold at the moment and it goes back to him feeling unworthy because she is Tearra. Feeling as though he is coming in between her and Rin and becoming frustrated over her feelings for Tadayoshi. There is a lot of struggles going on for them both mentally.

      We will have to see about Imari and whether or not she can get through to Tationy.

      The knock on the door was Sin and yes it was the person that killed him. When Taro was in his young years (high school age) he was quite reckless and made foolish decisions that could have and nearly got him killed. He managed to survive and toned himself done a great bit. Though he had not found a reason to live until he met Kuro. So many of his you tube videos are filled with him talking about despair as well as other topics that were considerable struggles for him such as his homosexuality within a clan such as the Anami.

      • Yeah, I can imagine it would have been hard for Taro to live as an Anami and being homosexual. It sounds like meeting Kuro was the best thing that happened to him. How sad, then, that Taro had to die, because it seemed he was getting himself together and living, at least.

        I’d like to smack Kuro on the head. Maybe I will do that for the foreseeable future HAHA, since he needs to address this feeling of “being in the way”. No doubt, he has felt this way all of his life, since Rin thought of him as a lesser son, and then falling in love with the vessel who holds Tearra. That’s got to do a number on him. However, Tationy is choosing to be with him now. No time like the present to take the bull by the horns and get back to deciding his own future…*smacks Kuro on the head* 😀

      • Taro was really a lone during that time. There are a lot of expectations and assumptions made about the Anami so these preconceived notions are really demoralizing in a lot of ways when she do not fit that mold. So, this has been a great struggle for Taro that he has not lived up to the image of being Anami.

        At the same time he was finally dealing with these feelings and accepting himself for whom he was. So, meeting Kuro was really a pivotal moment for his confidence and self-esteem.

        Taro really was getting himself back together. He was putting himself with the help and support of Kruo into a better mindset. His death is really important for Kuro’s development as well as that of bringing closure to Sin’s lingering envious feelings.

        It is difficult to not feel as though you are in the way when you have centuries upon centuries upon more centuries of being told you are worthless and only good to help guide the next generation. While he is not lacking in confidence he has some serious daddy issues as I mentioned when writing the prequel about him, Tationy, and Hiko.

        It really does do a number on you and he is working through it, but those are not feelings you get over – overnight. Additionally, we only really see his emotions in it all, so we do not learn as much about what is going on in Tationy’s head unless she vocalizes it.

        Yes, there is no time like the present, but only time will tell how long it takes them both to be put in in better mindset.

      • I know, it will take time for these two to work it out. Doesn’t mean that I want to pistolwhip them any less for being stubborn about the changing haha. 😉

  2. This one almost made me tear up ;___; I’ve got last messages like this myself… so yeah… the feels. The people go and some how leave you with that feeling that you gotta live for them, cuz who else will?

    I think Taro makes a great point. Letting go just to see if one comes back is not a thing that ever works out right. Though distance can show a lot of meaning for both people and be a good reminder of what’s really important. But I think both Kuro and Tationy need to live the moment while they actually have a chance. Dwelling on the past won’t get you far, it just kills the fire.

    It was really noble of Taro to step away and stay Kuro’s friend after all that went on between them.
    Did he know that he’s about to get killed? Because that knock on the door makes me think it wasn’t a suicide, but yet he was making his last video….

    • This one was quite emotional, it was a hard one to write. Yes, definitely the feels.

      Taro does indeed make a great point. Too often people people let the person go and it does not work out the way they expect them to. They will be back, the person things, but that is not how it turns out. Tationy and Kuro still have too much of their own baggage. Some things they do have a lot of fire and other things just bring them both down, because there is still a bit of a double standard and expectations between them.

      Taro did not know he was going to die. He stepped away because it was the right thing to do and even if he got Kuro he knew that he would never truly be his. So, In Taro’s opinion all he was doing was building resentment if he tried to hold on. He would grow to hate Kuro and hate Tationy for being in the way even though she would have stayed out of it as she did when Taro and Kuro were together. As Kuro did when Tationy was with Hiko and Tadayoshi. He was making his last video as a preparation for a what if moment, the knock at the door was unexpected, he did not know who it was. It was not uncommon for people to stop by though. Taro is hardly a shy guy and he was dating someone after Kuro (though Kuro did not know that).

  3. Taro said a very accurate summary of the love situation of his friend and if I were him, I would have done the same because it is important that someone opens Kuro’s eyes.
    His point of view seems crucial to me as to how their relationship will evolve, it can turn the page, as it can also advance it in a new unexpected perspective.
    Though is K ready to hear what his friend has told him, is he willing to follow his advice?

    I am sorry if my English there is stupid I used google translation because I read it translated in French and I wanted to be as clear as possible. This muse is definitively a key to the unknown following.

      • Sometimes hiccups in the system will cause duplicates. I have had it where it sent f our and I am like what?!?! It is weird when it happens.

      • I use windows currently because I am still struggling with my cc and it took time to clean the game and it doesn’t work as well as ubuntu for internet.
        So I got hiccups. My vista is rusty now.
        After I read that the reading circle I joined somebody told me : your comments was treated as spam simsophonique !
        So tell ! .. I am not so surprised .

      • In my computer yes it works better but doesn’t mean on every computers things are the same. My current internet “box” is native open source. (I don’t know if this will continue because I will change the ISP soon)
        Today I am on ubuntu and I don’t have the jolts I usually have in windows.
        It’s a shame we can’t play with ubuntu the sims as we do with windows because I would love to switch definitively and it’s not possible for now even with playonlinux/wine. *cry* except until ambitions and I never tested.

  4. Taro said a very accurate summary of the love situation of his friend and if I were him, I would have done the same because it is important that someone opens Kuro’s eyes.
    His point of view seems crucial to me as to how their relationship will evolve, it can turn the page, as it can also advance it in a new unexpected perspective.

    Though is Kuro ready to hear what his friend has told him, is he willing to follow his advice?

    I am sorry if my English there is stupid I used google translation because I read it translated in French and I wanted to be as clear as possible. This muse is definitively a key to the unknown following.

    • Thank you. You did quite well no worries. There is a lot we do not know about Kuro and Taro and there will be more to learn about them in muses as time passes. We will also get to see things with their relationship and the one between Tationy and Morri that was mentioned in a muse. So there is plenty to come. Hard to say if Kuro is ready or not to take the advice of his friend. We might learn a little bit about that in the next chapter. ^_^

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